Blog

 
The Power of Peace is authentic power.  
It comes from our Higher Self.
We know our Higher Self when we are in our hearts and living in our heart qualities.  
 
That is a place of true power.
We assess our level of power by internal measure.
It’s an inside job.
 
Inauthentic power is when we come from a place of competition and comparison. 
We judge ourselves by external measures ...   read more

 
 
Coaching
 
Dispute resolution is the path to freedom.
 
 
The road from conflict to peace.
 
 
Recovery from conflict.
 
The path begins with a vision, goals plus the expectation of setbacks, doubts and other obstacles.
 
It helps to have a coach who knows the path and can normalize the obstacles with positive encouragement ...   read more

Creativity
 
Creativity is important for teamwork, visioning and thinking about options for settlement. Opening to both sides of the brain is a trip for many of us.
 
Creativity comes from listening to the wisdom of the heart and following intuition.  It can also be cultivated by accessing unfamiliar parts of the brain through movement, art and other pleasurable activities.  For ...   read more

 
Visioning 
 
Visioning the future, not looking back.
 
Focus on the vision.   See it in detail.
 
Feel like it’s already here.  
 
Reverse engineer.  What do you need to do to get there?
 
Visioning sets intention.
 
It has power, will and determination.
 
      Beliefs create our reality.
 
Believe in your vision.  
 
Whatever ...   read more

 
 
Neutrality is a most helpful tool for what is ahead.
 
What do I mean by neutrality?
 
Dropping into the heart and finding neutral.  
 
Resting, ease, no impulse one way or the other.
 
When we’re in neutral, we have a choice in how we respond.  
 
That’s real freedom, not be ...   read more

Teamwork and Trust 
 
There is teamwork between family members in resolving a divorce. There is also teamwork among the professionals helping the families.  There are recurrent themes in teamwork that are important building blocks to success.
 
Trust
 
Families have intimate histories and times of closeness and trust.  But very often there is lack ...   read more

Advocacy in Peacemaking is Empowerment
 
Advocacy to me means helping people find what’s important to them, help them to identify and celebrate their strengths.
 
It means inspiring confidence and supporting a vision.
 
Advocacy means linking individuals and families with resources to build and use their strengths and to improve upon their weaknesses.  
 
It ...   read more

 
Setting High End Goals
We start with goals for the process and for yourselves.  What matters most to you? Take some time. Do this in a quiet setting with a quiet mind if at all possible.  To come back to your heart will be an important skill for this exercise.
 
Why did you pick a peacemaking process?  What are your goals for the process?
What is it you want for your future ...   read more

 
For the professional and the clients it’s important to drop into the heart space and operate from heart qualities in order to have a good experience and outcome in divorce or any type of dispute resolution.
 
It’s from the strength of the heart that peaceful resolution is possible.
 
These skills need to be developed for families in distress.  You can provide ...   read more

 
Interest based negotiation is unique to the peacemaking practices.
 
 
 
Information Gathering - Not “Discovery”
 
Neutral, co-operative collection of information and documents.   General questionnaire, statements for assets and liabilities, budgets, complete information given freely and completely with voluntary disclosure.
 
 
Interests ...   read more

We know it’s important to see things from the perspective of another.  In conflict, this is a critical step.
 
But in divorce there are additional perspectives to consider - not only the legal but the emotional, financial and long term relationships.
 
Equal attention is given to all of these. The result is a matrix that will support the family in the best way possible.
 
T...   read more

Lawyers are caregivers.  We coach, teach, listen and guide.
Who knew?
 
 
My heart breaks and opens with the tone, the grief, the stories, the pain.
All I want to do is give hope for a better future.
 
To bring them together to grow apart and be autonomous again.
We shepherd through the pain to begin to rebuild lives.
 
They don’t teach this in ...   read more

Let’s Talk About Spirit and the Law
 
I have been where you are.
 
Like you, I came to the place where I knew I had to change.
 
I had identified the next step as “being” rather than “doing.”
 
I had sought transformation and been exposed to techniques that brought me to that view.
 
But then I was blocked by the fear of using words to express ...   read more

The Mentor
 
The path is pointed out by a mentor, whether it’s Woody Mosten or Obi-Wan Kenobi. Following the path is encountering expected obstacles and having tools to process them.  We derail and get back on the path, always keeping our purpose in view as our North Star.
 
Dragon Slayers
 
Those obstacles are a lifetime of coping mechanisms we thought ...   read more

The Path
 
The path of the Hero's Journey is to find our life purpose, leave old routines and enter into new territory where challenges come to our attention.
 
Those challenges, like habits, behaviors and circumstances, derail us.  We meet those challenges so we can move on towards our life purpose, which is always out there in front of us.
 
Meeting and clearing those challenges results in new and ...   read more

What Do We Do With This Connection to our Heart and Heart Qualities?
My mentor, Woody Mosten, says we harness the energies of our core purpose and our strengths and decide how we are going to serve.
 
Then we express it.  He calls this creating our Peacemaking Signature.
 
Peacemaking Signature
A Peacemaking Signature is everything about how we want to be in the world.
 
The work we do, how we do ...   read more

 
GOING TO THE HEART
 
When we go to our hearts we are reminded of who we are.
 
We are the qualities we find in our hearts.  We experience them when we quiet our minds and are present with what is.
 
We all know what it feels like when we have that moment of open space.  
 
PRACTICES
 
The practices to get there are simple.
 
They ...   read more

Energy
 
Answering the call to the heart and continually returning to it creates an energy that feels like it comes from an infinite source.
 
It still feeds me. It gives me drive and purpose.  It produces unstoppable inspiration to find ways to bring people to peace and promote peacemaking.
 
Inspiration
 
Inspiration is so important for ...   read more

 
 
My Hero’s Journey began with a question.
 
That question was "What is your core value"?
 
It went straight to the core of my being and answered “Peacemaker”.
 
 In that moment I knew myself for the first time.  It confirmed what I had expected.    
 
It was a calling.  My heart was calling.  ...   read more

 
 
 
 
Many lawyers in the world are making a difference for peace. They took the Hero's Journey.  
 
 
The Hero’s Journey begins with an idea, a need, a yearning and following that like a beam of light.
 
 It takes you to your heart.
 
 It’s a calling.
 
 You answer.
 
 You go to it.
 
It feels good.
 
 Comfortab...   read more

My heart tells me I’m a Peacemaker. It’s a calling. I am part of a group of Peacemaking Practice Trainers. But what does it mean to be a Peacemaker? This is how I see it.
 
Peacemaking is processing differences in a way that results in continual resolution. It’s not the absence of conflict. It’s an appreciation of conflict as an opportunity to rise to a higher level of function and satisfaction.
 
Conflict ...   read more

This is a beautiful explanation of collaborative process by the founder of the movement, Stu Webb, a humble and beautiful lawyer who with another willing colleague experimented with settling divorce using attorneys and without going to court. That was 25 years ago. It is now an established practice that protects families in transition and gives them hope. I am so thankful to be part if this movement and for the teachers, ...   read more

How Can Peacemaking Be Applied to Other Family Matters:
 
Marital Mediation (Mediation to Stay Married)
 
Marriage requires constant peacemaking - that is, “processing differences in a way that results in continual resolution.” Some of my favorite books are by Willard Harley on Marriage Builders and another by Larry Stallman entitled The Marital Arts.  Both describe a very essential ...   read more

How Does Divorce Become Peacemaking?
 
Interest based negotiation
 
Divorce can become peacemaking by choosing the right process. Mediation and collaborative practices use a method of negotiation called “interest based” problem solving. It is very different from the traditional concept of negotiation which more often involves puffing, threatening and bullying.
 
      ...   read more

What is Peacemaking?
        
 
Peacemaking is processing differences in a way that results in continual resolution.
It’s not the absence of conflict.
 
It’s an appreciation of conflict as an opportunity to rise to a higher level of function and satisfaction. 
Conflict arises naturally within ourselves and in relationship to others.
 
It’s ...   read more

            We are taught in collaborative divorce to offer clients a closing ceremony. Most of us are uncomfortable with that.
 
Why?
“Clients don’t want it.”
“Too touchy-feely. Not everyone wants some kind of kumbaya.”
“Uncomfortable, personal and painful.”
“These particular clients aren’t ready for it ...   read more

Below are quotes from mentors who inspire me every day about what it means to be a Peacemaker.
 
“A peacemaker is ‘one who makes peace, especially by reconciling parties in conflict.’ Reconciliation is defined as restoring or creating harmony in the family.
 
Peacemaking is not a process but a set of values, personal attributes, goals and behaviors that guide our work.  Peacemakers ...   read more

Feedback
 
Negotiation requires listening to different perspectives that often conflict with how we see ourselves and our world.  This is feedback.  It’s hard to give and hard to take.
 
It's hard because of our insecurities.
 
It's necessary in order to make positive changes in how we behave and to be able to grow.
 
What can we do to overcome the pain of feedback?  ...   read more

An "amicable" divorce is not an easy path.  It requires each person to be self-interested, but not self-centered.  Self interest and mutuality are related.  Neither party can maximize interests unless the needs of both are met.  A maximized outcome requires cooperation, coordination and collaboration.
 
It helps to know what your goals are.
 
Would it be a goal of yours to –
Resolve ...   read more