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No one wants to get divorced.  As with other difficult life events, there is a process of grieving.  It begins with denial, then  proceeds through stages of anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance.  The sooner we can get to the stage of authentic acceptance, the sooner we can begin to heal.

Healing requires compassion for ourselves and others, which is rare in a contested divorce. By contrast, peacemakers recognize and preserve the best in people, help them discover and make use of their resources and offer tools and non-judgmental space for informed decision-making.  Those informed and voluntary decisions are more likely to serve the reconfigured family in the future.

I work with people in my capacity as divorce financial analyst looking at family finances and the issues that would come up in divorce.  I do this as a peacemaker, not a litigator. I use my experience as an attorney of over 40 years (20 of those as a family mediator), certified divorce financial analyst and resilience coach to help people through this transition when it is inevitable.  Mostly, by the time people come to me, it is inevitable and I help them prepare. I want to share with you how I see that preparation in this recent blog: Read Blog Post

Let me know if you’d like to meet to go over process options.  Absent unusual circumstances, I don’t think it’s the best route for either one of you to start by filing in the court and serving process on the other.  Who starts it doesn’t prove anything. You’re at a fork in the road where you can choose one process or the other, but the destination will be the same. It’s just a matter of how much unnecessary collateral damage results or whether we can construct the best future for each of you that circumstances allow.  At least then we have all done our part to try to heal the conflict and the family.