Some Basics of Conflict Resolution
 
What is conflict?  It is a problem based on a problem.  The presenting problem is a disagreement between two or more people.  However there is always an underlying problem causing the disagreement.
What is the underlying problem?   Finding that is the key to resolution.  Some possibilities are:
  • Unmet psychological needs like identity, security, control, recognition and fairness
  • Incomplete communication (Someone didn't hear the whole story.)
  • Inaccurate information (At least one of them had the wrong information.)
  • Stress overload (At least one of them was confused, overloaded and stressed.)
  • Different viewpoints (They see things differently. They have different beliefs or values.)
  • Limited resources (They can't have it all because there is not enough to go around.)
What is your conflict management style?
  • Competition
  • Avoidance
  • Accommodation
  • Compromise
  • Collaboration
Although one method, collaboration, or cooperatively arriving at a way to meet everyone's needs, produces the most satisfactory long-range conflict resolutions, there is a place for each style.  It's important to become aware of our own ways of dealing with conflict and explore more effective means of conflict resolution.
Understanding different points of view
Conflicts often occur because people fail to consider that others might actually perceive things differently.  No right or wrong, just a difference in how one sees things.
Communicating
  • Open-ended questions -questions that require more than one word answers elicit communication and encourage listening
  • Paraphrasing - repeating back makes a person feel heard and is a check for accuracy. Repeating the subject matter of what someone says is important, but insufficient for complete listening. The listener must also hear the emotional content of the speaker. When the speaker hears both content and emotion paraphrased, the speaker thinks "that person really heard me" and is more open to communicating.
  • "I" Statements - Begin a statement with "I" rather than "you" when wanting to express anger or some other strong emotion. Take ownership of your emotions rather than accusing others of causing you grief.
              I feel ______________________
              When you __________________
              Because____________________
              And I want _________________
  • Learning How to Handle Your Own Anger
  • Diffusing Someone Else's Anger
          Listen:  Let the person vent...don't argue
          Relax:  Deal with your own emotions...don't get                                          defensive
          Paraphrase: Content and feeling...make sure the other                                  person knows you understand
          Problem solve:  What can be done to make things better
  • Communication Blockers
You will block communication if you advise, argue, order, interrupt, threaten, criticize, analyze or use sarcasm