Quotes from Lois Gold
Two people rarely agree about the need for a separation or divorce. The more open communication there is about the decision to separate and the more each person comes to understand his contribution to the problems in the marriage, the less antagonism there is going to be about all the practical matters that need to be negotiated. I cannot emphasize this point enough. Lois Gold, Between Love and Hate (1992), page 39 Divorce is a process that occurs over time. It is not just an event that surrounds the legal document. It can take anywhere from several months to several years to actually get divorced – and even longer to recover. There are many points along the way for you to make conscious choices for hurting your spouse or healing yourself. Each stage of the divorce process presents opportunities for constructive responses as well as a seemingly endless array of obstacles and risks. Id., page 35 When one person can’t accept the separation or feels replaced by a new lover, things are going to be tougher. A divorce precipitated by an affair is a more difficult divorce. This must be understood by both parties. The abandoned spouse, in addition to being hurt, feels a sense of moral outrage. He has to deal not only with the rejection and loss of the relationship but also with the jealousy in witnessing someone else enjoy what he has lost or perhaps never had. The partner has moved on with out giving proper respect or sense of closure to the marriage. The spouse with the new relationship has to take responsibility for the increased distress an affair brings to a divorce and handle the new relationship delicately. This may mean making reasonable accommodations to the spouse’s ability to cope with the affair, especially where the children are concerned. Id., page 39-40 |